My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
