Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
