Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
