I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want to fling myself into the sun
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
