you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
its not stalking. its research.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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