I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
