I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
