The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
