I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
