Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
