Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
