hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
