so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
