they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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