I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
