can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
