i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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