your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
