just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
