3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
