Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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