So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
