clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me I should be a condom model.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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