That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
