I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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