maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
