Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
