Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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