OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The feeling are messing with the penis
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
