I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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