I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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