respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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