For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need to calm my uterus...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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