38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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