you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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