I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
