i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
