You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
