I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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