There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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