If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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