I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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