This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm at about main and main street
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
