sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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