Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize