we have pet lesbian snakes
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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