dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
