It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
