OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
