Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
