1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
