this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
