I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
