i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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